This Post is Brought to You From Under the Covers

Do you ever just close your eyes and wait for a bad situation to be over…maybe on a roller coaster or during a scary scene in a movie? Obviously this is not a strategy to successfully navigate the majority of challenging situations you are going to face, but god, don’t you sometimes wish you could?

We’ve crossed into new territory in the adoption process. Our profile has been shown to a few different birthmothers. It’s always exciting to take that next step in the process because it means we are even closer to becoming parents, and yet, each new step is a bit scary as well. We don’t know too much about these potential birthmothers – most of the important information will only be provided to us if we are chosen to parent the child they are carrying. There is one thing that is a given in each situation, though, that this woman is in a very vulnerable, scary and – well just plain bad – situation. Learning even the most basic facts about their situations makes the pain involved in adoption all the more real. I really struggle with the fact that another woman’s misfortune is intrinsic to my own dreams coming true.

If that weren’t complicated enough, there are a number of other thoughts, fears, and hopes that are unleashed anytime we are put in front of a birthmother. Will she choose us? Is she taking care of herself and the baby? What is the situation with the birthfather? Is going to change her mind? And the big one – is this it? Is this our baby?

I’d be lying if I said that a part of me didn’t just want to close my eyes, cover my head with a blanket and/or crawl into bed until our baby is placed in our arms, maybe even until the adoption is finalized. But that isn’t life and it’s certainly not parenthood. The uncertainty of the process is somewhat akin, I suppose, to a high risk pregnancy. Your excitement about the impending birth is tempered by fear and anxiety. Your job is to manage your emotions as best as you can and believe it is all going to work out in the end. With us infertiles, that’s a tall order because in the past it hasn’t worked out for us.

But I suppose it is easy to have faith when things go right, isn’t it?