Resolve

Personally I love making New Year’s resolutions. I am as bad as most people about actually keeping them, but just taking the time to sit down and think about what can make my life better is a useful exercise and one that makes my life a bit better, at least in January. I would probably have a much more productive life if I made them once a month rather than once a year. Recently, I was listening to the CDs of a self-help/inspirational guru who said that the only people who make lasting personal changes are those that believe they HAVE to make the change, not when they just think they should – like people who really lose weight and change their eating habits after a heart attack.

This certainly explains why none of my resolutions ever stick – essentially, I lack the resolve to actually make the changes. Typically, my resolutions have been to eat better and exercise more. I knew I should, I knew I could, but did I honestly believe I HAD to? Not really. So where does that leave me for 2008 resolutions? What changes do I honestly believe I HAVE to make?

Six months ago I made a major life decision. I really believed my life was off course. I had hoped – expected even – by that point in my life to have a family and a job that I loved. While I had already done everything I could to fight my infertility (to no avail) and felt I was out of options, I could do something about my professional life lacking passion. I had no idea what professional path I should be on, but believed I would find the right path quicker if I just hopped off the one I was on. So, with husband’s support, I quit.

The past six months have been really interesting. I have allowed myself some space and time to just be. I have quietly asked and meditated on the question “what kind of life do I want?” and allowed my thoughts to stew on the back burner until answers boiled to the surface. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my dreams and my life, but I know I have only barely scratched the surface. In those months, I made two major life decisions. One I’ve already written about and one I haven’t. The first is our decision to pursue adoption. The second is to pursue a dream I buried long ago because I didn’t believe I had the talent to make it come true – to write, or more specifically, to publish a novel.

When I was working and knew I was unhappy, I gave myself so many excuses for not pursuing a better more passionate life – there just wasn’t time, I had to pay the mortgage, there was no energy at the end of the day to devote to anything besides watching tv. Quitting my job has stripped me of all those excuses. It is now just me and my will power. I have the time. I have the energy. Now I can make use of this gift I have given myself or I can waste it. It’s my choice. It’s in my control. And today I feel that I HAVE to make something of this time.
And so, here are three resolutions for 2008 (okay, the third isn’t a “have to” it’s more for fun):

Resolution #1: To do everything in my power to move the adoption process further and to handle all the stresses that come along with it. I’m not worried about this one as most of the work on this has already been done. After two more meetings with our social worker, we will be on a waiting list at which point I will just have to let the universe do its work.

Resolution #2: To write a rough draft of a young adult novel by December 31st, 2008. I’ll blog later on why young adult fiction is my chosen genre. The only way I think I can reach this goal is by writing a bit every day. So I’m tasking myself with the goal of writing 1,000 words a day, 5 days a week (I know if I don’t give myself some days off I’ll crack).

Resolution #3: To try one new recipe a week. I’m a cookbook junkie and got three new ones for Christmas even though I have some books that contain hundreds of recipes and I’ve only tried two or three.

I am going to use this blog to hold myself accountable so look out for a weekly post measuring my progress. And wish me will power.