We have been told over and over by so many people in the adoption community that matches came in the strangest of ways and that we should tell everyone we know that we are adopting in case they hear of a situation that might fit for us. Honestly, it seems a bit farfetched to me. Most of the people in our lives already know our situation and we have yet to have someone come up to us and say “Hey, I just met a woman carrying a biracial baby who is looking to make an adoption plan and we thought of you!” That said, I realized it couldn’t hurt, it was a great opportunity to touch base with some people we haven’t spoken with in a long time, and to have some positive vibes sent out to the universe on our behalf.
So yesterday I sent an email with our adoption website and email address out to everyone I knew. We received a ton of emails from the fabulous people in our lives letting us know they were thinking of us and praying for us. I had the warm and fuzzies all day. Some forwarded our email on to people who have adopted and so we received emails from people we never met who sent us their success stories, encouragement and hope.
I have felt very alone with all this crap – first dealing with infertility while so many of my friends were joining mommy groups and having “baby only” parties and now navigating the crazy world of adoption - not knowing anyone else going through this process. But yesterday I felt so connected to everyone in my life. I felt their love and excitement for us and it made me feel really, really lucky – something I haven’t felt in a long time. Honestly, for the past few years I have been way too focused on what is missing from my life rather than all the wonderful things I am blessed with. I know it’s a trap we all fall into from time to time, but I’m talking about being in this mindset for the last five years. It feels like a little piece of heaven to break out of it. Everyone talks about the stress of the adoption process, and don’t get me wrong, it is very stressful, but I’m finding it’s filled with many little blessings as well. We’re meeting people we would never have met another way, hearing wonderful stories of families being built, and being reminded about how many people out there love us and want the best for us. Sometimes you just have to stop and look around for the blessings because it can get so easy to get caught up in the rest of life – which, lets be honest, can be pretty hard sometimes.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Resurfacing
I have lost count of the amount of mini-dramas I have had and major life decisions I have made since I last posted. I am not sure I have a blogger’s heart. I think a “true” blogger would have rushed to the computer for every twist and turn, but my instinct is to pull back and deal with things internally. Maybe I need more time to process things or maybe I’m just not comfortable laying it all out there for the world (or the three people who know of this blog) to read.
To catch the three of you up, after husband and I decided on the facilitator in California I mentioned in my last post, we started getting really excited. Wanting our business, they of course painted a beautiful picture of how quickly we might become parents. We got so excited that we actually started to freak out about the fact that we know nothing about what you need to care for a newborn. Then husband decided it was time to start interviewing lawyers. Two phone calls later and we had the legal consensus that it is illegal in Virginia to use facilitators to locate a birthmother.
Psychologically, I felt like we were back at stage one, but that’s really not the case as we have our home study in hand which means we are legally ready to proceed with an adoption. We can use that home study if we find a birthmother ourselves (aka independent adoption) or if we go with another agency. Still, this new piece of info did leave us with a big question of what to do next. According to VA law, we either need to use an agency (and we are very confident in our decision not to use the one we were originally signed up with so we’d have to find another one) or we need to make the initial contact with the birthmother ourselves – after that, we can bring in lawyers, social workers, or anyone else necessary to make the process as smooth as possible.
So the past few weeks have been a second wave of adoption research, looking at other agencies and learning about independent adoption – apparently we didn’t know half as much as we thought we did. At first it was incredibly frustrating, I felt like I was in the middle of a maze and my child was at the other end of it. I guess I still feel that way, but I’m dealing with it – what other choice do I have?
And if anyone reading this knows anything about my life, you’ll know that when one part of my life is in turmoil, there are other traumas on the horizon. Sure enough, as the adoption ground was shifting underneath me, I got word that my grandmother was in the hospital with pneumonia. I spent last week in New England visiting with her in the hospital, checking in on her doctors and seeing as many friends and family in the area as I had time.
So that’s where my head – and body – have been over the past few weeks when I ditched blogland. I’ve only scratched the surface of the emotional ups and downs I went through, but that’s probably best for all you readers. In fact, maybe that’s why I didn’t blog about it, to save you all. I mean, if I could have escaped my own mind, I certainly would have.
To catch the three of you up, after husband and I decided on the facilitator in California I mentioned in my last post, we started getting really excited. Wanting our business, they of course painted a beautiful picture of how quickly we might become parents. We got so excited that we actually started to freak out about the fact that we know nothing about what you need to care for a newborn. Then husband decided it was time to start interviewing lawyers. Two phone calls later and we had the legal consensus that it is illegal in Virginia to use facilitators to locate a birthmother.
Psychologically, I felt like we were back at stage one, but that’s really not the case as we have our home study in hand which means we are legally ready to proceed with an adoption. We can use that home study if we find a birthmother ourselves (aka independent adoption) or if we go with another agency. Still, this new piece of info did leave us with a big question of what to do next. According to VA law, we either need to use an agency (and we are very confident in our decision not to use the one we were originally signed up with so we’d have to find another one) or we need to make the initial contact with the birthmother ourselves – after that, we can bring in lawyers, social workers, or anyone else necessary to make the process as smooth as possible.
So the past few weeks have been a second wave of adoption research, looking at other agencies and learning about independent adoption – apparently we didn’t know half as much as we thought we did. At first it was incredibly frustrating, I felt like I was in the middle of a maze and my child was at the other end of it. I guess I still feel that way, but I’m dealing with it – what other choice do I have?
And if anyone reading this knows anything about my life, you’ll know that when one part of my life is in turmoil, there are other traumas on the horizon. Sure enough, as the adoption ground was shifting underneath me, I got word that my grandmother was in the hospital with pneumonia. I spent last week in New England visiting with her in the hospital, checking in on her doctors and seeing as many friends and family in the area as I had time.
So that’s where my head – and body – have been over the past few weeks when I ditched blogland. I’ve only scratched the surface of the emotional ups and downs I went through, but that’s probably best for all you readers. In fact, maybe that’s why I didn’t blog about it, to save you all. I mean, if I could have escaped my own mind, I certainly would have.
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